Why Suboshi Didn't Get Sent to Konan
by Kaen
Summary: This is just a "what-if" fic about what would happen if Suboshi was sent to pose as Chiriko instead of Amiboshi. Expect some terrible humor and a very, very short "Fushigi Yuugi" series...


It's me again! I'm really being terrible about writing any additions to previously existing stories, but I promise that this one didn't take very long to write at all! I actually first included it in an e-mail to Catrina, and she helped me decide to post it on ffn! Aren't you all just so _lucky_? And you know what? I think of really funky story ideas at 3 A.M. Gee, I wonder, right? ^^& About the story, though… This is my rendition of what could have (and probably _would_ have) happened if Suboshi was sent to pose as Chiriko instead of Amiboshi. Let's just call it a bit of creative writing- _very _creative writing. By the way, this takes place the day after the six Suzaku seishi and Miaka leave Tamahome's house. I'm obviously skipping the part about Amiboshi's introduction and his claim to be Chiriko so that Suboshi can do the honors in this fic. Enjoy and please review!

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Why Suboshi Didn't Get Sent to Konan

By Kaen

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Suboshi sat, totally bored, on the side of a dusty highway while waiting for the Suzaku Seishi. He had been waiting so long that he had actually starts practicing with his powers (Suboshi gets pissed when people say his powers are still undeveloped, which they are, but you aren't allowed to say that if you value your life...). Finally, the Suzaku team arrives, minus the real Chiriko (but of course!), but Suboshi is too busy fuming to notice them. He's balancing rocks and such, and then uses the ryuuseisui to knock them down. This process is much like bowling, only there is much airborne pebble debris. He accidentally attracts the Suzaku team's attention by spraying them with flying rocks. Tasuki cusses as everyone turns to stare at Suboshi.  
  
"What the hell do you think yer doin'?" Tasuki demands while shaking his fist. Suboshi finally notices them and turns around to face them. Several uncomfortably silent seconds pass as crickets can be clearly heard chirping.  
  
"I'm Chiriko," Suboshi lies pathetically while forcing a pleasant smile, or one that he considered pleasant enough. _Must not kill... Must not kill...  
_  
"Uh-huh..." chimes Tamahome. "If that's so, then where's your seishi symbol?"  
  
Miaka doesn't seem to think that a seishi symbol is important as she carelessly approaches the smiling/grimacing Suboshi. He begins to chant "Must not kill" three times as fast in his mind.  
  
"Hi, Chiriko! I'm the Priestess of Suzaku, but you can call me Miaka!" she extends her hand to "Chiriko," who stares blankly at the offer.  
  
"Shake hands, no da? Da? Da?" said Chichiri helpfully. Suboshi cringed at his annoying speech pattern.  
  
"Uh, right! Shake hands!" _Must not kill obnoxious monk... Must NOT kill stupid priestess... Must NOT-  
  
_"Hey, what's that thing, "Chiriko?" inquires Nuriko rudely while pointing to the hovering Ryuuseisui, which had somehow managed to wrap itself around Miaka's neck and was slowly -oh, so slowly- tightening. _Must not kill loud cross-dresser... Must NOT kill obnoxious priestess... Must NOT kill creepily silent tall guy, who has done nothing but stand there and stare at me boorishly... Must not kill hyper monk...  
  
_"It's my ryuuseisui..." explains Suboshi with a forced calm.  
  
"Ryuu-what?" Hotohori asks he temporarily looks away from his hand mirror.   
  
_Must not kill narcissus guy with scary shoes... Must not kill loud cross-dresser... Must not kill annoying guy with blue rat-tail... Must not kill even louder guy with a flame stuck on his head... Must not kill the monk with annoying speech pattern...Must not kill scary tall guy who's now drooling stupidly... Must NOT NOT NOT kill obnoxious, stupid, putrid-smelling, glutton priestess... Must not kill.... Must NOT kill.... Ah, screw it all....  
  
_"What's _wrong_ "Chiriko?" mocks Tamahome, in a terribly nasal sing-song voice. And that was all is took for Suboshi. He screamed in momentary insanity as the ryuuseisui... "demonstrated" his innermost emotions. In less than a few seconds, all the Suzaku Seishi lay dead. Suboshi gazed impassively at the bodies on the ground as some still twitched out of reflex. Suboshi shrugged as he began walking back to Kutou will attempting to wipe the pesky blood stains off his weapon.  
  
"Well, I did accomplish the mission, technically," he mused to himself as he walked. "I definitely prevented them from summoning the Suzaku-seikun, and the scroll wasn't even with them... So... Ah, who am I kidding?" Pulling up his sleeve, he began to write a message to his brother.  
  
"_Aniki, I'm coming back home to Kutou now."_  
  
_"You defeated the Suzaku team?"  
  
"Guess what, 'Niichan?"  
  
"I'm running out of run to write on my arm...?"  
  
"I made Suzaku carnage! Aren't you proud of me?"  
  
"..."  
  
_With this, Suboshi pulled down his sleeve, smiled proudly, and marched off heroically into the sunset.  
  
-_Owari_ (literally) and the series ends on episode number 17. 

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Aren't I bad? I think I'm bad. Go Kaen… Please don't hurt me! I actually do like most of the Suzaku seishi, but it's surprisingly easy to find a contemptible characteristic about each of them. I do almost wish this fic would happen, though. Maybe I'm just a wee-bit obsessed with Suboshi…? Too much Suboshi? Never… Speaking of Suboshi, though, when are they going to come out with the next graphic novel (in English)? The only reason I bought the first ones was so that I'd have a complete story building up to number seven, but no… Life could never be that easy… I'm just ranting! I'm sorry, but I would greatly appreciate it if someone could inform of the release date for FY book 7. I guess I'm done! Please review? I'd greatly appreciate it!

-Kaen ^^&

(And before you flame me, Yes, I _have _read the summary to Ryuusei Den and I _do_ understand the real circumstances at which Amiboshi was sent to Konan. But by the time I read that part, I was sort of thinking: "Who cares? Let her die." O.o)


End file.
